Satire

Around 500 years ago, Copernicus came up with the renowned theory of the solar system. Roughly 200 years ago, Sir Richard Owen speculated about the idea of dinosaurs. Throughout society, people have discovered legendary ideas and concepts that revolutionize science and the way we think. Now, the legacy of these pioneers are carried on as new, groundbreaking theories are uncovered by the people of Reddit and TikTok.

There are plenty of scientific theories currently that show the dark and scary truth about our society. Some of these theories include topics about aliens, robots, the Illuminati and fake moon landings. While some of these theories are blown off as jokes, the Midtown community should take these facts seriously and with much caution. 

One prevalent theory right now is the reality of aliens and that they may be living with us now. Junior Emma Campbell strongly believes in extraterrestrial life. 

“Dude, aliens are like, clearly real,” Campbell said. “I see so many pictures of them on Reddit and I’m pretty sure I even live with one. My sister looks exactly like E.T.”

Because of a recent Mexican Congress meeting, in which an alien body was presented, alien beliefs have dramatically risen in popularity. Freshman James Scott, an avid alien enthusiast and believer, thinks the body is real proof of alien life.

“I believe we have proof of aliens now,” Scott said. “Does the alien look exactly like we thought it would? Yes. Is that a little unbelievable? Definitely. Do I doubt the evidence? Not one bit.”

Another hypothesis circulating the Internet and Midtown is that robots are disguising as humans. Alex Wilkins studies various conspiracy theories at Hustler’s University, where he dual-enrolls, and he calls these individuals “NPCs”.

“NPC means Non-Playable-Character,” Wilkins said. “There’s no way that all the people at our school are real. You can’t tell me that all 1600 students have their own personal lives they go home to. At least some of them have got to be government droids.”

Others believe that an underground group, called “The Illuminati”, runs our society and possibly our school. Wilkins believes the triangle shape is their secret symbol. 

“Think about how many triangles you see at Midtown and in the world,” Wilkins said. “I was just scrolling on Tik Tok and saw a picture of Lebron James making a triangle with his hands. Even our school logo kinda looks like two triangles!”

Multiple celebrities have been seen suggesting ties to the Illuminati, which is direct evidence that the Illuminati is real. Wilkins suspects that the Illuminati is behind all of the problems in his life.

“My girlfriend broke up with me the other day because I wouldn’t stop accusing her of being an Illuminati agent,” Wilkins said. “She knew I caught on to her and couldn’t risk exposing other agents.”

In 1969, the Apollo 11 mission landed on the moon. Or did it? Numerous pieces of evidence point to the conclusion that the moon landing was faked. A professor at the University of Florida, Scooter McBurns, shows many indications that the landing was a hoax.

“How do we know it wasn’t just filmed on a set?” McBurns said. “The quality of the film is really good and you can’t just get a camera up there. Also, my studies have shown that the moon is actually made of light. You can’t walk on light, which proves the landing is a fraud.”

Many students at Midtown feel that the concepts are “dumb” and “impossible”. Senior Alexa Jones doubts the likelihood of the theories actually being real. 

“Just because you saw a couple videos about aliens on social media doesn’t mean that your parents are creatures from a different planet,” Jones said. “People need to chill out. All those conspiracies are obviously fake.”

However, there are multiple pieces of evidence that suggest the contrary. Midtown science teacher Jake Connors trusts the things he sees online. 

“I’ve read several Twitter posts about aliens and the Illuminati,” Connors said. “I learned that the Illuminati symbol is even on the dollar bill! That’s enough proof for me.”

He believes it is crucial that these new innovative theories are taught in school. Connors hopes to incorporate teachings of the ideas into a new AP class.

“They need to start teaching people about these things,” Connors said. “I’ve already started planning out my new course. Unit one will focus solely on Bigfoot and why he’s real.”

Connors believes that the ideas are essential to advancing scientific knowledge of the universe and must be taught in schools.

“The so-called ‘conspiracy theories’ are not just theories, they’re facts,” Connors said. “They explain the countless mysteries of our world and they enlighten us to new ideas. The theories need to be accepted and understood for what they are: the truth.”