Picasso once said, “Everything you can imagine is real.” I know this because it was on the front of a notebook I saw one time. The concept of reality is determined by perception of the senses, so Picasso may have been right, if you can imagine hard enough to sensate the ideas in your head.

Regardless, we can all agree that imagination is a fun thing to use at one’s discretion. Unless you mess up really bad. Unless you get too attached, Unless the imaginary gets too real. Unless you fall in love with someone who doesn’t exist. Unless you are me.

When I agreed to play Dungeons  and Dragons—when I was tricked into playing Dungeons and Dragons—I expected to find  a world filled with ghoulish monsters and hostile dragons or maybe  even an evil wizard-king. Instead, I fell on the doorstep of (and almost immediately in love with) a boy different from any other. Or maybe I just don’t know that many boys…a boy different from all of the boys that I know.

His name is Cannicus. He is tall, with blond hair and startling blue-green  eyes, and has a pet fox named Seal. I know, I know! How could anyone resist? He is thoughtful and generous, mysterious and caring, a deep thinker and half-dragon…he’s a half-dragon sorcerer.

So what do you do when the guy of your dreams is in another realm of existence? Cry. Play more D&D. Repeat. So I did.

In case you’re a little lost, Dungeons and Dragons is a roleplaying game where players create a story set in a fantasy world. It’s basically a grown-up version of “play pretend.” Except that we don’t dress up and look like idiots…most of the time. Each player has an assigned character and is able to shape the story by roleplaying as their character.

Before we start, here are some tips for a D&D beginner: when on a quest to hunt down the possible murderer of your family, avoid both Owlbears and flesheating demons. Also, remember not to go swimming in solid gold pants—literally, enchanted solid gold pants—because they will get too heavy for you to stay above the surface and Cannicus will have to drag your unconscious body onto the shore and you will look like a complete, half-drowned fool. Then, after you recover from nearly drowning, do not step into the middle of that pentagram in the sand. Just don’t. Please.

My character, Gwen, had to learn each of those lessons the hard way. Gwen is always getting herself into and out of scrapes, like a sitcom character or a skin cell. She is (though sometimes foolishly) fearless, confident, and amazingly persistent. She embodies what I want to be, and as I continue to roleplay as my ideal self, I slowly learn to let go of fear, uncertainty, and feelings of unworthiness.

In life, some changes are big and sudden, like in sixth grade when you realize that you’ve worn the same pair of slip-on shoes the entire year, and it has to stop if you want Anders Russell to like you back. Yes Grace, people can actually see your feet.

Other changes take time and subtly, rather than suddenly, change your persona. In playing D&D, I have learned to take risks, to stretch my comfort zone and not to run towards scary noises in a forest named after werewolves. I discovered a limitless world, a place of adventure, magic and really cute boys. For me, playing D&D serves as training wheels for the epic adventures I want to have here in the real world. It inspires me to be the person I want to be: a fearless fighter and unbounded adventurer, rocking a pair of magic gold pantaloons.