On April 15, the Atlanta school board voted Meria Carstarphen, Superintendent of the Austin Independent School District to be the new APS superintendent. In order to decide if she was right for the position, APS officials determined it was in their best interest to give her some preliminary testing. The following is the copy of a short exam Carstarphen received in order to decide if she is truly qualified for the position.
1. How do you spell your last name?
a) Carstarphen
b) CarStarFin
c) Carasdlfkjaflkjsden
2.What is Grady’s motto?
a) GK GK, we all we got.
b) Individually, we are different; together we are Grady.
c) Individually, we are ratchet; together we are even more ratchet.
d) #twerkit
3. To what does the term “dragging” refer?
a) Dragging is when your class is so boring that you would rather drag yourself through a pile of broken glass and throw yourself over a cliff instead of being there.
b) Dragging a freshman is an initiation ritual where seniors “drag” freshmen down a hill.
c) Dragging is short for the slang term “saggin’ & draggin'” which refers to the cultural phenomenon where boys’ pants are sagging so much that they begin to drag on the ground.
4. Which of the following is an incorrect way to respond to low test scores?
a) cheating by erasing incorrect answers on standardized tests and replacing them with new ones
b) holding a ceremonial bonfire where hundreds of old Scantrons are sacrificially burned to the testing gods
c) escaping to an impenetrable panic room, where you can curl into a fetal position and cry yourself to sleep
d) all of the above
5. Which of these sanitation problem is a prevalent issue at Grady?
a) a lack of toilet paper, paper towels, soap and stall locks in almost every single bathroom
b) scattered trash, dirt and food that lurk in the corners of every hallway and classroom
c) a rodent infestation that makes the movie Ratatouille seem tame
d) all of the above
6. To what does the term “No Child Left Behind” refer?
a) the motto for all APS bus drivers
b) a federal education program that sets standards for states’ testing procedures
c) the updated name for the program that was previously called “Leave A Few Kids Behind”
7. To what does the term “Common Core” refer?
a) a program to create a standardized curriculum across all states
b) the original name for the new Ben & Jerry’s Cores ice cream product, a pint of ice cream with a core center of fudge, caramel, or jam
c) the belief that filling out the Common Application can wound you at your very core
8. Which of the following is the correct weather condition to close school for?
a) when the temperature is 32 degrees because you never know – it might rain, and if it does, it might freeze over, and we just can’t take that chance
b) when the temperature is 85 degrees, but the air conditioner isn’t working
c) when heavy snow is beginning to fall, roads are getting slick and there is already traffic on the streets – only then is it acceptable for schools to close – only for the situation to be so bad that students are unable to actually leave and are stranded at school for at least 24 hours
d) all of the above
9. In the unlikely event that there is a weapon located on school grounds, which of the following is the most likely weapon to be found?
a) a Dora the Explorer baseball bat
b) a medieval sword
c) a little pink handgun
d) an overly sharpened, giant pencil
10. The addresses listed below were registered as places of residence for five different football players. Which address is one where a Grady student might actually live?
a) 123 Sesame St.
b) 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
c) 1159 10th St.
d) 4 Privet Dr.
e) the Gettysburg Address
