Dear editors, 

I am not going to college yet. This is why. 

I have a vague memory of standing in front of my garage with my grandma. She asked me, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I was 5 years old and the world was wide open.

I have a clearer memory of a man who came to my class to talk about our future. He said, “You must go to college and succeed. These are the jobs you can have to be successful and make money.” I was 7 years old and the world could have fit in that classroom. From that point on, I cannot remember a time when I wasn’t constantly surrounded in a discussion of the future and finding “success” in it. 

The term, “gap-year” started surfacing and the idea sparked something in me. This became the goal for my future. However, I’ve grown and so have my goals and now the term “gap-year” feels like a trap made as the only alternative to college. Why is taking time for exploration such a rebellious act? I believe I owe it to my younger self to choose time over college and to choose myself. I don’t want to be one thing when I “grow up” nor do I want one job for the rest of my life. I want to find where I stand and be okay with that changing and I do not want this to be simply acceptable, but intentional. 

One of my biggest goals is to travel. I think the only way to begin to grasp the world is to see it. Something I hear often is “How will you pay for it?” Well. College is expensive. The average college degree can cost over $100,000. It’s a privilege to have the chance to go to college, even more so to apply to multiple schools and go out of state. I feel very fortunate that my parents support me taking time off, and that when I do want to go to college, I can. Yes, travel is expensive but I plan on working and staying with friends and family. I do not want my time to be rushed because I feel that is what I am trying to escape.

I often get asked, “How will you get a job?” Stop reading and think for a moment. How many people do you know that are actively using their college degrees and are happy in their jobs? Around 50% for the first. For the second, I’ll leave it up to you. My original plan was to apply and defer college but I chose not to. I think, if I went directly into college, I would have no aim or drive and would end up in a job I feel nothing for. I’ve endured a lot of peer pressure surrounding not applying at all. Each time college was brought up, I built a wall around myself to defend my decision. For so long, I felt that to be “successful” in a “gap-year” I had to have it perfectly planned, paid for, college acceptance deferred, everything in place. But suddenly, I can’t wrap my head around what perfect means, and who THAT version of perfect belongs to because it’s certainly not me.

I had a lot of difficulty writing this. I don’t want to sound harsh but I need to be honest. I am not against college, simply against the power it holds over students, over young adults, over all the people who are burnt out, and over the people who are curious. I want to slow down—because I don’t believe life is a checklist. I want to learn by listening, by failing, by trying again. I trust that whatever next year brings for me will show me more about what life is than any lecture I could walk into. 

Life is not for a grade. Life is about laughter and joy and kindness. So please, push life all the way. Love deeply and be wrong boldly. Fight to be strong, resilient and honest. For me, that starts by taking a step away from this pre-laid path and onto a path I create for myself- not because I am lost, but because I am determined to finally choose for myself where I go next.

Do not allow the path they think you must follow to be the path you take. 

Lannea Kimmons, senior