Springtime as a high school upperclassmen is filled with leisure. Warm weather tempts juniors and seniors to relax, but one worry persists: whether or not they will have a prom date. While most upperclassmen share this worry, their approaches to the topic of prom differ drastically based on gender. For heterosexual boys, the dilemma is a matter of deciding whether or not to ask a girl to prom, and if so, hoping she says “yes.” Girls, on the other hand, are expected to wait for a boy,

While most upperclassmen share this worry, their approaches to the topic of prom differ drastically based on gender. For heterosexual boys, the dilemma is a matter of deciding whether or not to ask a girl to prom, and if so, hoping she says “yes.” Girls, on the other hand, are expected to wait for a boy, hopefully the one they like, to ask them. They are afraid to take control, fearing both ridicule and rejection. But not me. I have asked my boyfriend to prom two times: once for our junior prom and again for our senior prom because I believe the expectation for men to ask, and women to wait, is a toxic tradition without merit.

In my experience, the imbalanced promposal expectations promote fear and stress. Girls are trapped in a mindset of learned helplessness, constantly wondering whether or not their crush or friend will ask them. Boys, on the other hand, have to bear the heavy weight of always risking rejection.

Within this dynamic, boys don’t have the luxury of answering a promposal, and girls don’t have the power to determine their own romantic futures by proposing themselves.

These unwritten but heavily followed constructs are just that: constructs. From early childhood through fairy tales and Disney movies, we have been shown that relationships “should” and “have to” work this way. But they don’t.

Some might argue that adhering to gender roles is a sign of gentility, that a respectable man will ask and a respectable woman will wait. This idea depends on our perception of honor. True honor is not determined by conformation, but instead, centers around confidence and self-reliance.

A respectable woman is an independent woman, and a respectable man is an independent man. When it comes to promposals and the question of whether or not to ask, the answer is crystal clear: do exactly what you feel like doing.

Whether to ask or to answer should be determined by personal preference rather than gender. If you’re a girl who loves to plan events, you should be able to ask your man to prom! If you’re a boy who likes surprises, someone who cares about you should plan a proposal for you. If you’re a couple who likes both roles — asking and answering — why shouldn’t you both ask each other? When proposals are determined by preference rather than gender, everyone is happier.

If you are in a relationship and want to go to prom with your partner, don’t assume that the traditional model is the best for you. Talk to your partner about their preference, and communicate yours to them. Homosexual couples do this regularly because society has not dictated who within the couple will ask and who will answer. Why should it be different for hetero- sexual couples?

Asking anyone to prom requires putting yourself on the line and being courageous. Bravery is being a strong individual, rather than relenting to toxic and unnecessary societal pressures. I have asked my boyfriend to prom, and two of my close girl friends have promposed as well. With boys and girls both asking their friends or crushes, more people will go to prom with the person they want to spend their prom with. But more importantly, the prom date dynamic will allow people to be themselves. It’s all-around better for everyone. So ladies, if you have someone special in mind, don’t let your gender limit your options. Ask!

With boys and girls both asking their friends or crushes, more people will go to prom with the person they want to spend their prom with. But more importantly, the prom date dynamic will allow people to be themselves. It’s all-around better for everyone. So ladies, if you have someone special in mind, don’t let your gender limit your options. Ask!