Satire

Plans were announced last week to construct a new statue on the main Grady lawn on Charles Allen Drive. It came to the attention of the school administration that the grove has become somewhat of an eyesore for all pedestrians, with just the well-known pencil statue standing by its lonesome.

Many ideas circulated, and after many sleepless nights and several focus groups, the student board decided to construct a Cookout milkshake, standing approximately 10 feet tall, during the upcoming summer break.

“I can’t think of a better statue to represent what this school is all about,” a student who requested anonymity said. “There’s nothing like dipping to Cookout, ‘Bookout’ as many of the bros call it, during lunch to get one of 50 milkshakes.”

Perhaps the group most excited about the upcoming project is the administration, which has thought the lawn needed some sprucing up for quite some time.

“I know I seem to oppose people going to get food from Cookout during lunch, but that’s only because those are the rules,” a Grady faculty member, who also requested to remain anonymous, said. “Going to get a milkshake from there has become a part of the culture at Grady. I can’t think of a better statue to represent what this school has become.”

Plans are still in their early stages, but the statue is planned to sit at the corner of Charles Allen and 8th Street to remind people passing by “what this school is all about.”

“Grady is known throughout the country for its hard work regimen and impeccable field maintenance,” said a group of students who opted out of giving their names. “But inside these walls, when a kid returns to class with a Cookout milkshake after narrowly escaping the clutches of administration, it’s something that we can all bond over. It’s like a fraternity of sorts.”

Many ideas about the statue were brought up in the meetings. One suggestion was to make it “The Possum,” which made its rise to fame by hanging out in a tree in the upper courtyard one day, but the Cookout milkshake was something many thought best embodied everyday life at Grady.

“We will probably use a large metal pipe to represent the straw and steel to act as the styrofoam cup,” the artist in charge of the sculpture said. “I love doing pieces like this that stand for something bigger than itself.”

The artist then began to shed tears as the next words flowed from his mouth.

“I want to make a stand for all those children caught by the clutches of school administration after returning to school with Cookout in hand,” the sculptor said. “Think of all those poor children locked up in in-school suspension while their milkshake slowly melts away.”

The school plans to build the monument in early June while kids are out of school. Students will be able to enjoy lunch in the shade of the 10-foot tall Cookout milkshake. They may even become inspired to even walk over to Ponce de Leon Avenue, evading the looming force of the school administration by doing so.