By Jack Hudson
Reporting from the White House Lawn…
As all the great Presidents have done in the past, President Barack Obama hosted the President vs President Elect Family Picnic this past weekend. For those who are unfamiliar with the tradition, every time a new President is elected into office, the current one hosts a family picnic on the White House lawn. The two families share barbecue and compete in games such as flag football, potato sack racing, and other various competitions. It is a true embodiment of what the peaceful transfer of power is supposed to look like, sometimes.
The day started out civil. President Obama was grilling his famous hamburgers when the Trumps arrived, thirty minutes late. Nonetheless, the Obamas warmly greeted the freshly spray tanned family and welcomed them to the picnic.
Unfortunately, Eric Trump was not going to be able to make it. He had already arranged a hunting trip in Zimbabwe, and nothing can interfere with his leopard shooting. Donald Trump Junior debated on going but felt that Barack’s beef patties would be better than his traditional elephant burgers, so he ended up going.
After seeing Donald’s charismatic personality and hair piece overshadow his wife, Melania, Michelle struck up a conversation about how Melania might change the white house during the next four years, as many first ladies have done in the past. She could not get a word in edgewise as Melania kept repeating everything she said. Mrs. Obama had a Slovenian accented echo for the rest of the day.
Once the all the dishes had been cleaned, the games began. All the proper paperwork had to be signed so that in case of an injury, proper medical treatment could be given. Trump opted out of the medical aid because he wants to repeal and replace the first aid system that Obama had used for those injured on White House grounds in the past.
While Barack was getting checked in with the referees, Donald could be overheard making exclamations about the President’s eligibility. The rules clearly state that all participants must be current United States citizens, and The Donald was making the argument that without the proper paperwork, we can not know if Mr. Obama is a legitimate citizen. He was obviously fearing Barack’s incredible athleticism, and this argument was quickly nullified.
The first event was flag football, and the fans were starting to surround the gates. The Trumps were on defense first. Despite Sasha and Malia’s natural athleticism, the President Elect’s family remained confident.
“I build the best defensive lines,” Trump said. “Nobody builds better defensive lines. We’re going to just grab them by the flag, you can do whatever to these Obamas.”
After a series of incredible passes and runs made by Michelle, the Trumps were stumped. Unfortunately, his incredible wall building skills could not help him slow down the overwhelming force trying to climb over.
In the volleyball game, the Trumps were dominant. Their height put them at an advantage. The shortest of the players was Tiffany, standing at five foot eight, and the tallest was Eric, towering at six foot five. Barron, the youngest of the family, was used as a substitute, but his monotonousness facial gestures persisted throughout the whole game.
However, Donald was of no help. His small hands put him at a serious disadvantage. Nonetheless, the Trumps were victorious, and the competition was tied. The Trumps were back in it. A shocking surprise because most of the fans took their athletic abilities as a joke in the beginning of the picnic.
After the potato sack races, the horseshoe tosses, cornhole, a name which excited Mr Trump, and a break in between for hydration, the Obamas were victorious. Luckily, Hillary was not there to throw up in the water.
The fans around the White House lawn began cheering. Shouts of “Not my President vs President Elect Family Picnic winner” bellowed through the National Mall. The Trumps responded with a smile. They would be back soon for the Holiday Impeachment Party. This event is a shining example of what the peaceful transfer of power is supposed to look like.